Thursday, July 16, 2009

One Year

WHEN YOU HAVE A LOSS AND FALL INTO THE MODE OF MOURNING,
bits of your own disbelief keep shocking you. But knowledge strikes minute after minute, hour after hour. This new time is unlike any you have ever known before.
x
On July 18, 2008, I received a call from the retirement home where my Mom resided. A nurse/caretaker informed me that Mom had been ill that week, and just passed away. I wanted to say,"Don't be silly", because my Mom can't die. I became twelve years old again and knew that my Mom would live forever. I asked for a moment, put the phone down, and caught a trickle of tears beginning.
x
My Mom lived an incredibly long life. I wonder if I have that DNA. Somehow I want to give it back, because her last few years were wrapped in the fog of old age. Where are we when we fall down that well? I like to think she was packing all her wit and talent and humor to take to the other side. She was hell on wheels sometimes, but I don't think she wound up there!
x
A day later, I received a call from my son telling me that his father, my ex, had passed away on July 19, 2008. This was quite unexpected. He'd been ill on and off, his condition had worsened, he was rushed to the hospital, seemed to delay dying till my son arrived, and after he told my son that now everything was alright, he died.
x
First year anniversary. I still shake my head in wonder at this coincidence. It is confusing to apportion grief. One minute I was mourning Mom, the next I was thinking of my ex. I can't figure it out, this seemingly rushed need for departure. But I do know one thing. My Mom and C. really liked each other. Maybe they were on the same cloud.."what, you here too?"
x
Mom is with me every day. She's so important. I didn't think it would be this way. It doesn't bother me at all that I call her name, before I even ask God for a favor. Maybe because she always tried to help, and I can't forget that. My ex? As my son says often..how can his Dad not be on earth?






14 comments:

Natalie said...

Love to you, Lyn. I hear you.xx♥

Lyn said...

Hi Natalie-
I always appreciate your very kind words..and this synchronicity..love to you, too!

Derrick said...

Hi Lyn,

This is beautifully written. You have a knack of combining deep thoughts, love and humour in everthing you write, which is why I look forward to coming here. I hope they were on that cloud together.

Lyn said...

Hi Derrick-
Really thank you for your comments! How encouraging...Something I/we all need!

willow said...

Beautiful post, Lyn. This life is amazing with all the synchronicities woven through.

My thoughts are with you on this first anniversary. ~xo

Lyn said...

Hi Willow-
Thank you for your thoughts..really, none of us could make up our lives!

Jeane said...

there is not greater wonder then living our lives :)

Lyn said...

Hi Jeane-
What a beautiful and true statement! Thank you...

SarahA said...

Beautiful tender write, you.

Lyn said...

Hi SarahA-
Thank you for visiting and for your comment...

A Cuban In London said...

This is a beautiful post and your mother would have been proud to read it. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

Lyn said...

Greetings to a Cuban-
My Mother probably appreciates what you're saying!! I know that I do!

Jennifer--BuddhaPublicist said...

I'm sorry for your dual loss last year. Life is so random. Your mom sounds like a person who will be remembered for a long time. Don't stop talking about her! I recently saw a relative who at the age of 99 told me about my great-grandmother. That was a gift.

Jennifer

Lyn said...

Hi Jennifer-
I appreciate your visit! Thank you..It's funny about my memories..I want the good to predominate..and it does!!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin