Another tale that's erupted in the name of Magpie Prompts..long may they wave!! Do catch up with all the clever Bloggers who are Prompted!!
I DON'T THINK I'LL BE A PROBLEM. I'M QUIET. Not aggressive anymore, in any way.
Penny said I could stay. I've been very well behaved for a long time. Well, I'm certainly good at that. I can pretend anything.
"What's this ?" Penny asked, as she helped me unpack. I smiled inwardly. I didn't want her to know I prized it.
"Oh, you know, one of those glass weights, like the Christmas globes you shake to create a chilly snowstorm. Only, it doesn't matter if you shake this. You can have it if you like", I lied. What if she'd said yes?
Should I tell her that Edward gave it to me, one of his collection, just before his life ended? Then he died. I saw his soul settle inside the globe, behind the blood red coral reef.
They let me take the globe and keep it with me when I went to stay in that place. A harmless thing in itself. Some people thought it was the instrument. Nonsense, if they'd thought it through. Much too ungainly to wield a lethal blow.
I am my brother's keeper. I will let him go when I want to. Penny might laugh if I said that. No I take it back, she would shudder as others have. It's best not to say that anymore. She'd probably reach for a phone, as if all hell was going to break loose. Again.
No need to worry. I'm different now and I'll keep all my secrets to myself. Penny is a very good sister to let me come and stay.
http://www.minblu.blogspot.com/
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44 comments:
Yikes! I love the Norman Bates-ish feel here. Watch out, Penny!
Hi Willow-
Thanks..I guess Hitchcock has had a bigger influence than I thought!!! Yikes, indeed...
teehee...there is a slight sinister undertone...i wonder is she truly sane or not? perhaps her sister will find out. nicely done magpie!
The word Diabolical comes to mind...good set up...Yikes for sure!
Hi Brian-
Thank you..I think her sister may find out!
Hi Mary Ann-
Thank you..I did have fun with this one..BOO!!
Oh, Lyn, you evil girl! Wonderful suspense within your character's mind! I loved it!
Lyn
A VERY interesting magpie take -- while we all had small fish to fry you went for the shark -- great story --- a promise of a good screen play.
Joanny
Chilling. Masterful tale!
Nice story, I like it!
Hi Catalyst-
Thank you..I guess balmy is good!!
Hi joanny-
I like the idea of the screenplay..who'll play the "heroine"? Thanks...
Hi Tumblewords-
Thank you so much..glad you enjoyed it!!
Hi evalinn-
Thanks for visiting..glad you liked my little tale!
Who said "Yikes!"
Oh, Willow did...she's right
..voices inside her head...Norman Bates indeed....
good and creepy
Easy to understand why someone would hang onto a precious memory. Good story.
there are some classical elements in it, I feel the beauty in your words.
Hi Peg-
Thank you..yes, some memories are really deep, and meant to be kept!!
Hi Suz-
Thanks..I seem to lean towards the creepy..just for fun, of course!!
Hi Jingle-
You are more than kind..another weird secret..wonder what she'll do?
Lynn,
A peek inside the quiet, for the moment, slightly askew mind.
One knows the queit wil not last.......
rel
Hi rel-
Askew mind..I like that! One can only imagine..
Thank you...
Great. Macabre. BANG!
uh, how do you spell creepy?? this was marvelous but i think the sister would have been wise to accept the gift, heh heh heh...glad i came by today!!
Hi little hat-
Thanks for visiting and for your short and sweet comment!!
Hi sheri-
Thank you..Now if sister had said yes? Whew..early mayhem!!
Beautifully written. Terrific take on the prompt.
Hi Berowne-
Thanks for your kind words! I almost want to follow up on (what is her name?)..maybe...
There were two elements that jumped at me straight away. The length of the short story and the intensity of it. This is a great beginning:
'I DON'T THINK I'LL BE A PROBLEM. I'M QUIET. Not aggressive anymore, in any way.
That drew me into the plot immediately. And then this:
'Should I tell her that Edward gave it to me, one of his collection, just before his life ended? Then he died. I saw his soul settle inside the globe, behind the blood red coral reef.'
Memories. Damned memories. One's brain is one's worst traitor.
Many thanks. Fantastic tale.
Greetings from London.
Greetings to a Cuban-
Thanks for the comments..About the beginning..I like to put you into the action immediately..
Everything is a movie(or a dance) to me! Who's my director? Hitchcock or Almadovar!!
Yes, our cluttered minds are not our friends!!
Dear Lyn: I wholly love your getting into the character's mind, have you almost "channelled" the dear sweet as Arsenic old lady who probably wears lace. I love these whodunits which is left open-ended and waiting for the readership to fill in the blanks. We get in trouble, we do, filling in the blanks. As in; we assume! (the old adage when we assume (the readership does this muchly we often make an ass of you and me: get it? ASS-U-ME? (sorry). Should I get Auntie to respond in kind (well maybe not so kind; but maybe she is kind; we wont ever really know will we! hahah! Great prompt!)
Hi chiccoreal-
Such a good analysis! "Assume" is funny..and I do like nebulous endings, I trust the reader to take it further!!
Thank you so much!
Well, Lyn, I was going to say how much at home I had begun feeling around here but I think I really must be getting along!
Eewwww! The secrets we keep! Brother's keeper, indeed. I love this sick, twisted theme.
Oh, I like that. Creepy, but fun to read. Thanks for coming to visit my world.
katherine
Hi Derrick-
Shocking..that you think of me as less than innocent..Really, you're safe with me!!
Hi Ronda-
Every once in a while I have to do twisted!! Thanks for the fun words...
Hi Katherine-
It's always a pleasure to meet new friends..thanks to the prompt..
glad you like creepy!!
Marvellously creepy! Especially "I saw his soul settle inside the globe..." and then "I am my brother's keeper." Great story Lyn!
I LOVED this!!
Hi Jennifer-
Thank you.. I guess when we write, stuff just pops up!! Thankfully..
Hi- She Writes-
Thanks for visiting and your comment...
mine is up,
Happy Wednesday!
http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/05/04/magpie-tale-the-list-of-magpie-tale-participants/
Hi Jingle-
That's great..congrats!!
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