Bad Movies!

IT'S BEEN SAID THAT NONE OF THESE MOVIES really exist. Because who would go out of their way to produce, direct, or star in a movie that was headed straight for oblivion., financial failure, or universal disdain, (sounds like the b- branch of a well known studio). The answer is simple: the big guys can't tell. Since no one has really ever seen any of these films, let this be a warning not to be the first. Critics excluded. They get paid to do it.


Lets make an exception of "Plan 9 From Outer Space",(1959) and "Glen or Glenda",(1953), both directed by and starring Ed Wood. We know that they've been seen because they top the list of every worst film anthology around. "Glen/Glenda" is a quasi-documentary about a sort of identity crisis and angora sweaters. This is viewed by some to be even worse than "Plan 9", which among other things, stars Bela Lugosi in his final role. (Is he still dead?) Yet, it is safe to say that this movie survives beyond criticism. This kind of bad exists in a stratosphere that is better than good.
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" The Postman", (1997), starring Kevin Costner. Illogical post-apocalyptic saga, sentimental, soppy dialog. Probably the way everyone will speak after the "big" one is dropped. Yada yada. One critic called it, "Dancing With Myself"...not "With Wolves". ...Received the highest amount of Razzies(5) ever handed out to one movie. That's what critics do when they're being tortured.

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" Gigli ", (2003). Big Bomb starring Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Re-writes were going on all through the making of the film. In fact re-writes were going on after the film was done. Then the producers jumped into the Pacific. Hurray for Hollywood. No one went to see this movie. They couldn't stand the Lopez/Affleck real life romance, would never pay the price of a ticket to see them on screen, when they'd already seen them in People Mag.

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"Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot", (1992). starring Sylvester Stallone, with Estelle Getty as "Mom". Stallone himself has said, " One of the worst films in the entire solar system, including alien productions we've never seen." Maybe he should have done comedy. Why can't stars tell what's going on?

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"ZYZZYX Road", (2003). NO PIC....Doesn't matter who was in this. Made an amount of money never seen before. $30. at the box office. Yes, I will repeat it..$30. Limited release. Six days in one single theater in Dallas, Texas. According to Leo Grillo, director, it sold 6 tickets; 2 to cast members. Well, OK, starring Katherine Heigl and Tom Sizemore. Guys, why?

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"Battlefield Earth", (2000), starring John Travolta, Forest Whitaker. Poor script, foolish inconsistencies, blah blah dialog. A cute critic called the film "Travolting". Golden Raspberry Award, (shameful indeed), for Worst Screen Couple: John Travolta and anyone on the screen with him. I hear they shipped this one out to Mars!

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And, Ta Da!!! "The Hottie and the Nottie", (2008). Starring Paris Hilton. Nah, you know that isn't possible.